iTunes Agreement – The Bro-Speak Version

Miles Lothe of Slacktory, the genius behind the Bro-Speak version of the Facebook terms, is back with an easy to understand EULA for iTunes users. When was the last time you actually read the fine print on stuff you use? I think if the agreements were written this way from the start, more people would actually take the time to comprehend them. Check it out.

ENGLISH

APPLE INC.

SOFTWARE LICENSE AGREEMENT FOR iTUNES

HEY. HEY YOU. WE KNOW YOU WANT TO JUST CLICK THROUGH AND GET ITUNES INSTALLED SO YOU CAN LISTEN TO MUSIC AND SHIT, AND REALLY, WHO CAN BLAME YOU? IT’S REALLY EXCELLENT, AND WE WOULDN’T WANT TO WAIT EITHER. YOU’VE MADE A FANTASTIC CHOICE IN SOFTWARE, BUT YOU REALLY SHOULD READ THIS. WHY? BECAUSE YOU’RE AGREEING TO BE BOUND BY THESE RULES. DON’T YOU THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT RULES YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO FOLLOW? I WOULD SURE WANT TO KNOW THE RULES. BECAUSE THESE RULES ARE KIND OF FUCKING RIDICULOUS. IF YOU DON’T LIKE THE RULES, JUST DON’T USE THE THING. WE’LL JUST GIVE YOU A REFUND IF YOU TAKE IT BACK TO WHEREVER YOU BOUGHT IT, OR ELSE JUST DECLINE IF YOU DOWNLOADED IT.  BUT YOU’D HAVE TO READ THE RULES FIRST. SO. GET ON THAT.

ALSO, IMPORTANT THING: We’ve created this really cool social network called Ping, you’ve probably heard of it, it’s way cooler than Google or whatever, and if you decide to use it, iTunes is going to send us some data about what you listen to so we can send you sweet recommendations and whatnot. So if you use Ping, just know we’re going to get some info and you should just deal with that. And look, we’re not going to judge you or anything, so we don’t care if you’re a dude with the Glee soundtrack, we’re just going to recommend more Glee; this is a safe space. If you don’t want us to know what you listen to, though, just make sure you don’t use Ping.

OH SHIT ONE MORE REALLY IMPORTANT THING: This software has the power to copy things. That’s right: you put a thing in, this software can output two of that thing. That part above where we get to decide what you can and can’t do with this program? Yeah, this is the sort of thing we mean: you can only copy shit that no one has copyrighted, or you own the copyright for, or else things that either the copyright-holder or the law lets you copy. Don’t go copying shit you’re not allowed to copy. Also, because we live in the future, you can use this thing to listen to music saved on other computers, remotely. That means through the air, as if by magic, but really by science! When you access that music, make sure you’re not doing any illegal shit with it. If you’re not sure if you’re allowed to listen to or copy that music, don’t ask us – ask your lawyer. Are we seriously recommending you get a lawyer to decide if you can listen to your neighbor’s shower playlist? You bet your ass we are.

Check out the rest here.